oh good grief this week has been so busy for me... 4 hangouts back to back i do not know how i handled that to be honest @___@ but also so healing because i just got to spend time friends and family and caught up with someone i haven't seen in a year! on this topic, charli released a remix of girl, so confusing with lorde and the song makes me cry so so so much. lorde's whole verse is just so raw and relatable and it makes me ache terribly. the ups and downs of female friendships is something so special. there's so much complexity in how much we feel and the insecurities that eat away at us.
it makes me think of the "lordes" in my life...like what happened between us to have this animosity. i honestly tried to talk it out with some, but not everyone is capable of holding such intimate conversations that confront themselves as people.
it makes me think that maybe i should let go of the past, but then moments like these make me think about the what ifs. what if she did talk her feelings out with me. what if we were still friends to this day, what would we be like? being a girl is really so confusing. it really doesn't help with all the beauty standards and microtrends that pick at us and eat away our own confidence. T__T
here to say that i have been a good girl and have NOT been going to cafes like crazy and spending money YAAY!!! i have a nice espresso machine (that i need to troubleshoot the pressure lol.......) and i've been making tons of matcha/hojicha lattes hehehe which are WONDERFUL btw! also excited because people who are visiting japan are also going to buy me tons of matcha and souvenirs when they can and i am cheeeeesed. truly so awesome having friends and family who love you so much to go out of their way for you!
kinda insane but yes i already have a trip i'm going on this year, but i'm already looking at flights for another trip LOL girl that gets slightly inconvenienced or sad or whatever the hell and looks to Leave. i can't help it because like i said....people are begging me to come visit and who am i to say no and have fun
sorry for being in demand i don't mean it ugh (jokes..please...)
isn't crazy how life goes so fast? it's already about mid june-ish and it's mind boggling that we are already halfway through the year! many things have transpired in my life and i am only growing more as a person :) through happy moments and heartbreak i can only go forward!
though i argue that the concept of resilience shouldn't be as commended as much because one shouldn't have to suffer so much to develop that type of resiliency, but i must say my ability to bounce back is crazy (let's see what happens down the line LOL) i do hate that i am someone who misses people immensely..because i know there are situations where i shouldn't be missing them. it's not good for me...but i must distance myself for obvious reasons to repsect myself. but i also have recognized that perhaps my love has remained unchanged and may just transform into another type of love you know? i have soo much in store for me this summer and i'm super excited! so many hangouts with friends and family ^__^ people coming to visit me and i get to show them around like!! WHAT!! you booked a flight for me!? i am so loved.
i also have an international trip soon so i'm very excited for that hehe i am a #sagittarius after all no? once this trip is over i'm already looking into taking weekend trips around hahaha i have so many friends asking me to visit and i want to see them so bad! hopefully it works out because alas i am employed. and will be a full time student soon whaaat truly life can only go up from here and i'm so excited ALSO i need to update my current playlist but ummm wren evans new release.. LET'S LIVE! AND BRAT. I LOVEEE!! BRAT GIRL SUMMER WOOOO đđ
also it was bts' 11th anniversary the other day and i read their festa letters and it made me soo emotional...i've been a fan for the whole 11 years and i love them dearly! such authentic souls.
hello hellooo! i've been severely slacking off on working on this site ;; but finally worked on the homepage which is funny because shouldn't that have been the first one i worked on anyway euuhhh... i just couldn't really get what i wanted (more like i had no idea on what i wanted in the first place LOL) but i think i got my vision down? kinda. but anyway it's been very fun getting back into this again because wowie i get to go down rabbit holes of what i enjoy in terms of 2000s nostalgia!
i also should learn more css and html because there are some things that are NOT working and it is quite frustrating -__- anywho it's june, summer is quickly approaching and i've been picking up tennis !! i did play a bit in high school with a coach, but super short lived and it was very basic. well yes! i was inspired by challengers SUE ME! a sport i enjoy, techno music, and the brilliance of luca guadagnino...you have enchanted me. hopefully i keep up with it because it is soo fun and i am feeling so good physically (sore...very sore..)
also i think from the very few entries i have. you can tell that i simply cannot focus on one thing
that is going to be very very common on this site so please bear with me hahaha and to those who have somehow found this dumpster of a site thank u for visiting! i'm so very sorry for letting u see the state of my house like this i promise i will do better...
it's been several days since i've written an entry an i apologize for that hehe...i've been slowly working on the site by adding links and working on different pages though! but when i want to sit down and genuinely update? i must say the battle bus calls me. i was born in the right generation- i love the internet and fortnite lolll i also started the game hades! i know!!! me? starting hades now? as the biggest greek mythology nerd ever? who would've thought...but i'm enjoying it so much :3 where's thanatos show him to me please T__T
it was also...txt's concerts the other day and i couldn't go to any of them which makes me incredibly sad weeehh i thought i wouldn't have cared to go, but that was not the case. at the end of the day i truly love them and their music and i'm so sad i missed them performing ghosting again
nothing more sad than missing the song that saved you huh? anyway life goes on right (coping) i also baked a cake for my mom's birthday! baking the cake really made me reflect on some things in life tbh. friendships may end and you may not have the desire to befriend them anymore, but there are still fragments of them in your life. i may not talk to them anymore, but the recipe i use to bake is the one they texted me in my notes! you really are a made up of the people around you!
hello again!! i was going to do a new entry yesterday...but i ultimately got distracted so alas. but i've been working on adding to the navigation tab! after creating the tab i'll have to start coding/figuring out pages to link out to so that would be fun. i def want to have my interests showcased on here! so a media gallery of my fav characters and whatnot perhaps??
aside from my coding updates...i made some yangnyeom gejang! i've been craving it like crazy ever since they started showing vids from that one girl on tiktok again. the voices.
so i had to go to the market and get some crab (and lychee beer and banana milk for my lattes :p). going to go work more on the site! i really want to add a chatbox of sorts akin to a guestbook so i'll be adding that soon! i kinda wanna learn javascript, but i am barely troubleshooting my own stuff right now...but soon! 
me learning... also i've been in such a reading slump it makes me kinda sad
i can barely pay attention...but i've been reading the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde! it's wonderfully written, just very romantic and the way he describes stuff makes me actually...experience it? i do agree that sometimes the way he writes is very overkill. it hurts my brain reading a sentence that's half a page long, but we persist!
first entry! it's been 4 days since i started to learn how to code (from scratch at least). i've always dabbled a bit in it through html coding on tumblr lol, but never actually grasped it...it was alwways filling in some code already done or inserting some anime transparent you know? it's been really fun (and frustrating), but to see my work and vision come alive has been soooo incredibly fun!
i'm so excited to have done this because at the end of the day...i am a girl that loves to blog and customize profiles (gaia...) so why not make my very own site and make it #me!!
by the time this is published, this entry will not be the only entry...well publicly shared at least. i wanted to share this website while i was making it because i was proud that i was learning something new, but knowing me i'd be so indecisive about what i really wanted. and i was right. i have an entire different code that i first worked on and it's cute alright, but not what i envisioned? even this isn't totally what i envisioned lol....life is hard when you are a perfectionist that's a little too ambitious 
hopefully i keep up to date with this site because it would be so fun to see my life updates! using this as a diary of sorts and just a place to consolidate my interests! i will work hard to add more features and learn more coding :3 seriously...what's more fun than your very own customizable website? quite literally your world!
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